


Love Like an Accelerando

by ColaCrescendo



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Orchestra, Anxiety Disorder, Cello Playing, Classical Music, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Music, Social Anxiety, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 15:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7321405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColaCrescendo/pseuds/ColaCrescendo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Perhaps the cello that lives inside him was destined to stay there always. At least, that's what Lovino hoped." A story in which cellist Lovino Vargas falls for the confident Spanish bassist he so unfortunately has to share an orchestra class with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The effects I have on others are often cruel at times. I do feel bad, of course. I never wanted to become what I am. I rule the lives of those living in fear. I cause many to cower on account of me, and to lose sight of their dreams. Even the most simple of human functions, like speaking to others, fall into the abyss due to my touch.

Perhaps an introduction would be necessary.

I live inside the humans. Not everyone falls into my darkness, but those who do find it hard to get out. Of course, there are ways, but I never really leave. Not completely. I will always be there at the back of your mind, muttering orders to the fear, telling it to strike.

Those who find their ways around me have always been quite curious to me. They think they are weak, but they are actually quite strong. I like to watch them. Their stories are fascinating at times, such as this particular one: Lovino Vargas.

It always started with the silence. Silence as still as wood, and hollow. Such a maddening thing to the Italian, this was. Maybe he had always hated this silence. Possibly even because silence meant no sound, and sound was what he loved most. Or perhaps, music was what he loved most, to be exact.

I took music away from him too. The strings that he loved so dearly now echoed the sounds of fear when touched. He could only watch as others created beauty from the strings, while he was unable to coexist with the music without sacrifice. This was when he was consumed. Jealousy and anger took him. He was angry at me. I took the one thing that saved him, and he refused to leave it.

He was alone. One last thing that I took from him was his speech. He could speak, of course, but not to whom he wished. He wanted to be able to talk to others just as they do, but I stopped him at even that. He complied, possibly because of his already broken will. But even in his acceptance, he was still angry. He decided that he didn't need anyone else, and his tongue became sharp. The words he spoke to others became piercing and rough. They were so sharp that they could carve something. Something wooden and hollow, to be exact.

I realize that combined, these things take the shape of the very thing I took from him. The wood, the strings, and the carved shape that defines it. Perhaps the cello that lives inside him was destined to stay there always. At least, that’s what Lovino hoped.

~

“That was beautiful, Lovi! I think it was one of our best concerts yet!” Lovino’s younger brother smiled so wide he believed his face would fall apart, the exact opposite of Lovino himself at the time.

“It was okay,” he loosened his bow and put it inside the flap in his case. He wasn't thinking about how well they did, he was only thinking of how he survived yet another concert. His hands still contained traces of the shaking, and his head still felt like it outweighed his entire body.

“Looks like Fred put on another amazing performance,” Feliciano gestured towards Lovino’s cello.

“The cello’s name is not Fred, Feli.”

“Why not? Fred is such a cute name!” his brother giggled and reached out to touch the cello, but was quickly stopped by Lovino’s hand.

“Don’t touch my cello.” Lovino’s words were bitter, and lacked the amusement his brother was so graciously gifted with. Even if Feliciano was his brother, and played the violin, he could never trust when people touched his cello. This was especially after that one time he asked his cousin to look after it and came back to find it on the floor with a long, depressing crack running down it’s side. “Who names their instruments, anyway?”

Feliciano regained his smile he lost a few seconds before, obviously used to his brother’s usual tone, not at all bothered by the amount it contradicted his own way of speech. “Gilbert named his cello Mister Amazing.”

“Gilbert doesn’t count, and seriously, who the fuck names anything a name like Mister Amazing? Jesus it's like he's trying to get kicked in the balls” He cringed inwardly, hurriedly closing the case to his cello and gathering his music. “See you at home, Feli.” He slung the case strap around his shoulder and tried to hurry away. Tried, is an important word to note.

“Wait! Aren't you coming to Olive Garden with everyone?” Feliciano called out, making Lovino stop in his tracks and turn around. He held back a gag, but to get his point across, maybe he should have gagged visibly, right in front of his brother.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I would rather die than go to a place as sickening as that! What the hell is wrong with you?” Lovino’s face was that of true horror. Native Italians such as the Vargas family, to be exact, truly couldn't find a place more vile in comparison to their home cooked pasta. Correction: Feliciano’s home cooked pasta.

“I know, I know. I'm only going so I can be with everyone else! Plus, Gilbert is bringing some of his friends that are joining next semester, don't you want to meet them?” Feliciano pleaded.

Lovino glared at his brother for a while, wondering seriously how they could possibly be related. Of course they both looked very similar, and had some similar interests, but the last thing Lovino would ever want to do is to have to socialize with all of those orchestra lunatics. He would much rather just play his cello and leave it at that, thank you very much.

Oh no. Feli had that look on his face. The one Lovino knew all too well. I have an idea, Lovi! Let’s compromise!

“If you go, I'll let you have the practice room all to yourself for a week,” Feliciano promised.

He must have really wanted Lovino to go. The practice room was the nicest room in the house. It was surrounded by glass windows and completely empty aside from a piano, a chair, and a stand. The acoustics were absolutely gorgeous, of course. The sound it brought from his cello when he was alone was the light, the very reason he was here. Obviously, both being musicians, the siblings had fought over that room for ages. One of Lovino’s biggest pet peeves was practicing in front of others, so there could only be one at a time.

“Alright fine. But I’m just going for a little while, and you're paying.” He glanced at the cello rack. He didn't have to take his cello home yet, so he balanced it on the empty rack.

Feliciano’s smile grew even wider. That grin was truly beginning to terrify Lovino, but at the same time he was glad that there was something pure in the world. His brother showed him that, as annoying as he could be. “I'm so excited for you to meet the new players, they're so nice! Well, one of them has a really dirty mind and a bit of an annoying accent but people probably think that about us too. Well, not the dirty part of course-”

Lovino tuned his brother out immediately. He had absolutely no interest in anyone in that orchestra but himself. The only reason he had been taking the class was because he was absolutely crap at everything except for the cello. When he first started playing, he liked it enough to practice all the time. Two years later he was surprised to find that he was actually pretty decent, so his brother convinced him to join. At first, he hated it with a passion, but when the semester was almost over and the orchestra sounded nice, he realized the joy he felt while playing with so many other players was incredible. It was like he was a fraction of a whole that had always been meant to be put together. However, he also realized that the anxiety he felt when he played on stage nearly broke him every time. He truly wondered if it was worth it.

“Is it okay if Luddy drives us there?” Feliciano broke through his thoughts with possibly the worst question he could have asked.

Lovino groaned loudly. “It's not like we even have a choice, do we?”

The smaller Italian laughed nervously. “Not really, no.”

“Whatever, then. Let's just get this over with.” He followed Feliciano to the German’s car. His brother and Ludwig Beilschmidt had been good friends for a while, and quite frankly, Lovino couldn't trust the bastard a bit. First of all, he was huge, and could probably crush both Italians together in one flex. Second of all, he was Gilbert’s little brother, Gilbert being one of the most annoying people he had ever met. Finally, the way he looked at Feliciano pissed him off to no end. Lovino knew love when he saw it, and that guy had it written all over his face. He couldn't stand couples, mainly because he knew he would probably never be in a relationship himself.

“I brought Lovino with us!” Feli skipped to the car and poked his head through one of the windows. Ludwig nodded, and Lovino noted his lack of a reply. He had stopped trying to speak to Lovino a long time ago, so at this point he didn't even bother. Lovino almost felt bad, since he knew it was because he had only bad things to say to him, but decided against it.

Feliciano automatically opened the door to the front passenger's seat, so Lovino assumed he would be in the back. At least that meant he didn't have to join in the conversation. They were talking about the concert, of course, so it was all shit he knew already anyway. The viola’s were too quiet, the cello’s were too loud, the second violin’s were out of tune, and the first violin’s were probably pitching a fit about something in between songs. It wasn't even a surprise that the conversation lasted until they got to Olive Garden.

When Lovino stepped out of the car, he seriously hoped at least one of the two people he could stand in the orchestra were there. Otherwise he'd be stuck having to talk to one of the newbies, or Gilbert. He shuddered.

Walking a safe distance behind Feliciano, he peered around the corner as they got to the large table they had to use for the amount of people sitting together. He didn't see anyone he even liked. Just great.

Reluctantly, he took a seat next to Gilbert. At least he knew how to deal with him. Although the smug noise he made when Lovino entered the area probably wouldn’t help matters.

“Wow, you’ve finally come out to be with the rest of civilization,” the German said loudly, although Lovino figured he didn’t even realize he was so loud. He was so self-absorbed that he didn’t care, most likely. This would be harder than he initially thought.

He never enjoyed being around people. People were unpredictable in every sense of the word. When you thought they could be nice, they were bitter inside. When you thought they could be bitter, they were actually nice inside. Lovino knew himself to be bitter inside and out, leading to even more inevitable self-loathing. For a sophomore, he had a lot of problems. Social anxiety was almost at the top.

He had never been good with words, so in situations like these he had no problems simply ignoring everything around him. Gilbert, for example, would not get the pleasure of a response to his idiocy. Of course, that wouldn’t stop him from spewing more crap out of his mouth. At least this time it was directed towards the two sitting in front of him rather than himself.

He turned his attention to Gilbert’s friends. He didn’t listen much when Feliciano described them, but from what he could tell they were probably the ones that were joining next semester. One had long, creepy blonde hair and spoke in an annoying accent that nearly rivaled Gilbert’s. He also seemed to be full of himself. It made sense that they would stick together, at least.

The other, however, seemed a little off. He was generally very attractive, but he seemed like an actual nice guy, which threw Lovino off completely. He tried to stay away from attractive people because they usually didn’t help any problems, just made them worse. But this guy, his smile was absolutely huge, much like Feliciano’s earlier that night, which was strange because Feliciano was the happiest person he had ever met. His face displayed a softness Lovino didn’t see in many people. The fact that he hung out with Gilbert and his other creepy friend was a little strange.

He must be a jerk.

Wait, was this jerk looking at him?

Lovino’s initial thought was that he must be a creep, of course. However, when he accidentally glanced into his eyes he found himself frozen in the grassy greens that reminded him so much of his birth home. So he’s a creep with nice eyes.

Lovino found himself strangely drawn to the guy with green eyes, but as life would have it, he couldn't get one word in during the entirety of their dinner. Not that he wanted to, of course. He wanted to stay as far away from this jerk as possible. Hopefully he was a violinist and he sucked so he wouldn't be anywhere near the cello section.

~

Lovino stared up at the sky on his commute back to his dorm. He cursed himself for forgetting his bike, but he knew that it would have been far too big of a struggle to carry a cello and ride a bike at the same time. He’d seen it in movies, and it pissed him off. It was much harder than it looked.

He stopped for a moment as a slow melody graced his ears through his headphones. It was a piano, and it was simple. A cello was added lovingly, keeping the idea of the simple, slow melody. It was beautiful in all it’s natural sound, barely any vibrato, but wholesome. As soon as he heard it, he breathed out a long breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. It was like in every exhale he was getting rid of negativity, like he was releasing something awful all at once. This was probably quite good for him, he imagined.

Lovino closed his eyes. He didn’t even care that he was standing in a boarding school campus in the middle of the night, all he cared about was that he could feel. He was at the edge of something great, like an inventor nearly finished with his best invention yet. It was the anxiety. He didn’t grasp it, at that moment, but I was gone, simply watching from afar. The music, as he thought before, truly saved him. Lovino simply had to realize that the difference between appreciating it and creating it was only what he believed he could do, and Lovino could do anything.

I do realize that I seem like a monster, but I assure you, I am not. I am simply an obstacle, able to be overcome. 

When Lovino opened his eyes, he saw the stars. He saw everything he could do, if only he would just stop being so scared. He closed them once more, and he saw the vivid, grassy green eyes he hadn’t been able to get out of his mind all night. He saw something new, something beautiful. He saw-

The song ended. Reality came crashing in like a tidal wave.

Lovino saw what he thought he could never have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is an incredibly long note, but it's got some pretty important stuff in it. Here we go!  
> So, there are a few important things to note here in this universe. As interesting as it would be to write a fic where one of the obstacles Antonio and Lovino have to overcome is homophobia and the hurdle of not knowing whether or not either is gay, I have decided not to. It would be too impossible considering the other obstacles I already have planned, and it would be highly unlikely to find an orchestra full of gay people all from different countries. So, in this universe, it is completely normal to find a gay couple, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to sexuality. As for the countries, I will mention this later in the fic but everyone goes to a completely made up International Boarding school set in Charleston, SC (A really beautiful place you should look up). And let’s just say this is a rather nice school, why not.  
> Another important thing to note is that I realize that not everyone will get my orchestra references, and it would be a bit annoying to try to explain all of them in the fanfiction. If you don’t understand any, I have a page on my tumblr that explains some of the culture, called Love Like an Accelerando Orchestra References. (Here is the link: colacrescendo.tumblr.com/geekforyoursoul )  
> The narrator is anxiety, much like Death in The Book Thief. In the beginning, Anxiety seems monstrous because the narration is supposed to take place during Lovino’s concert. It isn’t until the end of the chapter that Lovino realizes, just for a moment, that he can actually get over his anxiety. Aka, the anxiety is only what Lovino thinks it can be. I wasn’t sure how to exactly get that across due to my inexperience.  
> Also, every song I mention I will provide the name of, just in case you want to experience what the characters are experiencing. Lovino’s star song is called Þú ert jörðin and it’s adorable.  
> One more thing, this is my AO3 version of this fic, which is the exact same as my FF.net one, just on a different website. Thank you for dealing with this awfully long Author's Note, lovely readers!


	2. Chapter 2

Silence, then noise. That always seemed to be what made Lovino the most uneasy. It was such a dramatic change that he found himself shocked, almost like the change from winter break to the new semester. The silence began again with the flip of a switch.

Mental note: Lovino needed a new alarm clock.

Just like that, the holidays were over. When Lovino opened his eyes, he knew that from that point on he wouldn’t stop moving until the summer. He didn’t bother looking nice for the occasion, and simply pulled a shirt over his head, accompanied by the last clean pair of pants he owned. In lieu of attempting to make himself breakfast and having a nice morning, he fell back down on his bed dramatically and groaned. The only thing he would be looking forward to at any amount was his orchestra class. Even then, he knew it would be stressful.

Not leaving any earlier than he had to, he grabbed a jacket and his backpack and arrived just a few minutes before the first bell rang. Step one was to survive his classes for the first half of the day, in which he accomplished successfully, somehow.

Lunch was fairly uneventful. He sat with his usual group, which consisted of mainly girls. Teenage boys were too stupid for him to stand. This included the one other guy at their table, Feliks the Polish idiot. Although he acted much more feminine than any other guy he had met in his life, he was very easily the most annoying, next to Gilbert.

The last thing he wanted to hear from the chattering balls of hormones was how hot the new guys in orchestra were. This, of course, was exactly what he got to hear. It should be noted that he was hearing this rather than adding to it, not that he would add to it anyway. It seemed for him that he was always alone at lunch, even if he sat with others. Words were rarely spoken between him and the others.

The final bell before orchestra sounded, so he packed up the lunch that he didn’t eat and followed behind the others that were walking in the same direction as himself. Rather quickly, one might add, as he wanted to get to the class as soon as humanly possible. Not knowing who would be so unfortunate to share a class with him that semester was maddening.

A small wave of nostalgia hit Lovino as he walked through the door, causing him to slow his previously overwhelming pace considerably. It had only been a few weeks since he had been in the room, but it was probably one of his favorite places on Earth. Something about the fact that a place in his strange American school could adhere to his interests was simply unheard of. 

Lovino glanced at the cello he wanted, adjusting the shoulder strap on his bag nervously. He had spent far too long pining for that instrument, and now that one of the seniors decided not to take second semester, he knew that he should probably have full rights to the best cello in school. Not only was the sound gorgeous, but the strings felt nicer under his fingertips, and it even came along with the blessed coda bow. Elizabeta could maybe deserve it, sure, but she didn't have as much heart in it as Lovino, and there was no way in hell Gilbert would ever be deserving of such a glory.

He sighed and grabbed a chair from one of the racks in the corner, setting it down in what would be the beginning of a circle. Each new semester, he had to listen to the same introduction, and play the same stupid name game before he could grab his cello. Half of him just told him to get it anyway, but he remained in his seat and watched his new classmates for the semester slowly file in. The judging began.

He was more disappointed than anything. Most of the faces he saw weren't anything new, and a considerable amount even made him dread the coming semester. It was one face, however, that hit him a lot harder than it should have. This particular face happened to be the owner of the boy with green eyes; this face was the very one he had tried so very hard to forget that night of the concert, and even more so over winter break.

He wasn't falling for him, that was for sure. Right? Oh shit.

Lovino instead directed his thoughts to his orchestra teacher, who stood with a half-annoyed, blindingly fake smile, next to Kiku. The boy graciously took on the role of setting the projector up, so Lovino figured his teacher’s fake smile was due to the stress of a new semester. Kiku stepped back as soon as a powerpoint made its way to the screen on the wall. Mrs. Mock made an announcement to those coming in to take a seat and join the circle, which so far only consisted of Lovino and those he sat with at lunch.

Half of Lovino wanted to sit next to his brother, who was fortunately in his class, but the sight of Feliciano giggling with his hand intertwined with Ludwig's shot that idea down far too quickly. They ended up getting together over break, finally, though Lovino couldn't tell if it was worse to deal with the two’s obvious pining or the relationship itself.

Lovino’s entire body locked up as a certain green eyed boy chose a seat right next to him, of all the places, and flashed him a sunny smile. Lovino knew his face had reddened a bit, and he tried his hardest to breathe like a normal person, scolding himself for getting so worked up over this guy. Before his mind could register anything else, a pretty girl he had seen from the other classes in the previous semesters sat on the other side of the boy.

“Oh, Antonio, I’m so glad you're finally here in orchestra with us! Aren't we lucky that we’re in the same class too?” The girl chattered away in her cute, polite way of speaking. She was undeniably sweet, Lovino could tell already.

So the boy’s name was Antonio.

Lovino felt the creeping throb of jealousy begin to flow through his veins. This girl was really close to the jerk. He briefly wondered why he cared, before turning his attention to the teacher, who had already begun her introduction. Not that he would have paid attention anyway, but his mind wandered during the entire powerpoint, performing a repeat of that one night. Why couldn't he ever get this boy out of his head?

“Alright, I'd like you all to say your names, the country you are from, and the instrument you play. We’ll go around in a circle,” the teacher began, making half the class groan, not including Lovino, who internalized his pain. The country was necessary due to the type of school he attended. It was an international school, in America of all places, and it offered some of the best education around, for anyone who was willing to ship their child all the way to America. She motioned towards Alfred, who only got in because he was really good at sports, and had lived in the area before. Everyone else had to either pay nearly a fortune to get in, or be absolutely brilliant at something.

“I’m Alfred, I’m from the land of the free, and I play the violin in my spare time,” he said with a wink at the boy beside him, who stood up next.

“I’m Arthur, from England, and I play the violin,”

Lovino groaned internally. They were about halfway through the circle, and he just wanted to get this over with. He couldn't help but feel a bit nervous, though he knew he shouldn't. He knew these people, and he had already done this three times before, yet he felt his heart beat just a bit faster, and his body shake just a bit.

This is the perfect example of a scenario where I come in, but don't worry. Lovino is perfectly capable of fighting me, this time. 

When the teacher motioned towards him, he stood up, shot out his answer, (which was simply straight to the point, of course) and sat back down with little memory of what happened, just the reassuring fact that he didn't mess up.

Now having the knowledge that he was safe, he was able to turn his attention to Antonio, who was apparently from Spain, and played the bass. Great, that means he’ll be right next to me. Lovino quickly glanced at his brother in hopes of some comfort, but only felt more jealousy, since Feliciano already had his own friends and his own problems.

Jealousy seemed to be his favorite emotion today.

Lovino shook it off. He was going to try to have a good day today. He could be happy, he could. Think of your cello, that makes you happy, Lovino. Does it though? He looked down at his feet, trying to ignore the small jolts of fear he felt at the mere thought of the instrument. This semester was the competition semester.

As soon as they were told to group up in their corresponding section, Lovino chose to lead his section towards the cello rack, putting his hand on the cello he had his eye on protectively.

He started to feel sick. No one said he would be the section leader, should he take the lead? He wanted to, and thought he should, but did he even have the right to take the cello? Oh God, I didn't think this through. Why didn't I think this through?

“Lovino, I've been thinking,” Elizabeta’s voice interrupted Lovino from his spiraling thoughts. “I think you deserve to be first chair this semester,” she spoke with a smile. “Now that I’m taking IB classes, I just don’t have enough time to practice. Besides, you probably want it more than I do.”

He was amazed. For the first time in probably ages, things actually worked out for him. Everything just fell in his lap. There had to be a catch.

“Hey! Who says I can't be first chair?”

There was the catch. Elizabeta turned her attention to a whiny Gilbert, shooting a look quite opposite to the one she had just given Lovino. “Who says you deserve it, dimwit?”

One of the freshman giggled, and Lovino decided to take that time to move his chair to his respective spot, right in front of the teacher’s office. It was the spot that the principal cellist sat in. Convincing himself for a moment that the teacher was too lazy to switch chairs, he let himself bask in the glory of being important. 

The rest of the day was rather uneventful, as his last class was just another run through of the basic lab procedures in a chemistry class. Lovino found himself repeating the routine he had last semester. Go to school, eat, sleep, cello, go back to school. Life seemed to take its sweet time actually moving along, and it wasn't until at least a week later that they actually started working on pieces in his orchestra class.

Lovino was interested in how the two new arrivals would sound. Apparently, the French guy had been put in the first violin section, so someone must have put some word in that he was pretty good. Unless, of course, Mrs. Mock just wanted to keep the annoying dramatic people together. This included Feliciano, as much as Lovino loved him.

There were only two bass players, Antonio and some Danish guy named Mathias, who seemed to get along well already. The question was, who was better? Mathias could really care less about orchestra, and Lovino had his suspicions that he was only there for Lukas, a violinist he always hung around.

Antonio seemed to have a similar story. He was apparently good friends with Gilbert, who begged him and Francis, the Frenchie, to join.

Lovino took one of the pieces they were learning and unfolded the copy so it took up the whole stand. It was three pages long, and it looked amazing. He ran through the beginning, which had too many rests for his liking, but sat back after a few measures. It seemed to be magic based, and portrayed exactly what the name suggested: Incantations. It was slow, chilling, and sounded like a wonder in itself.

Mrs. Mock went over the key signature, and pointed out the solo parts to the first violins and violas. “You may all try out for the solo parts. We will have auditions for them in about a month,” Lovino gave his copy a once over as she spoke. He had no solo parts, thank goodness. The last time there was a solo, Feli convinced him to audition, which nearly killed him inside. He didn't get it, of course.

Solo auditions were ridiculous since everyone knew Roderich would get the first violin solo anyway. Most likely, everyone but the new guy and Roderich would try out for the second violin part and leave it at that.

“There seems to be a bass solo as well,” Mrs. Mock looked up at Antonio and Mathias.

“He can have it, he's way better than me,” Mathias spoke, shooting an odd look of pride towards Antonio.

Well, that answered one question.

For the time being, anyone auditioning for the solo played the first few measures as Lovino waited to come in. He winced at the sight reading skills of those around him.

The teacher motioned towards the cellos in the midst of her conducting. Lovino took a deep breath. This would be his first time leading the section. He put all his energy in staying with the conductor. That was most important here.

His heart rate picked up a little when he reached the harder, higher part. He knew the freshman had probably never played that high before, and he was stuck between dropping out and playing louder to help them, risking exposure. Everyone would hear him, but he sucked it up and chose the latter, leaving the section with just him and Elizabeta, as everyone else dropped out at this point. They did eventually rejoin as the notes became more manageable. 

Lovino bit back a smile, he was actually proud of himself. He did it, he could do this. It wasn't that hard. The feeling of playing with an orchestra again sent a rush of happiness through his veins, even if it wasn’t the best.

At this point he had already toned out the rest of the orchestra and the blasphemous way they played the song, until something crisp, and low, and beautiful reached his ears.

He stopped everything he was doing and looked at Antonio. His facial expression was in between that of concentration and joy, and it took Lovino’s breath away. The solo was short, only two measures long, but he had never heard a tone so nice come from a bass before.

The tempo sped up. Lovino didn't notice. He didn't notice any of it, and really, he didn't care. He had fallen quickly. It was intriguing, honestly. His stomach suddenly twisted in knots, quite like how it did when he was anxious, but different. It was nice, comforting even, but ridiculous.

Dio, you're going to regret this, Lovino.

~

Start in fourth position, shift down to first, shift back up to third, crap that was a slur. Move your bow closer to the bridge, dammit. Oh, gross that sounds disgusting, add more weight. You aren't even focusing on your vibrato, add more.

The melody, along with Lovino’s multitude of thoughts, was cut short with the screech of Lovino’s bow. He wasn't playing this song right, and it was disgraceful. He ran his fingers through his hair and rested his forehead on the top of his cello’s body. Breathe.

“Hey, Lovi! What song is that? It's really pretty, but that's not what I came in here for. I wanted to know what you think about Antonio.” Feliciano, much to Lovino’s annoyance, was in the middle of the practice room. How he got there without Lovino noticing was the first miracle, but the second was that Lovino hadn't strangled him yet. The light that filtered in through the windows of the practice room forced him to take a second for his eyes to adjust as he tore his forehead from the cello, exhausted and trying to cover his reddening face with the sleeve of his sweater.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” he replied, feigning ignorance as an excuse to return to The Swan, which was a really pretty piece that he certainly wasn't just annoyed with, and please, just leave me alone Feliciano.

“You know, the new bass player in our class that played the solo today? I thought he was really good,” the younger Italian spoke all too cheerfully as he disregarded Lovino’s silent pleas to leave the room.

“Yeah, I know who he is,” Lovino snapped. “He was alright, I guess.”

Feliciano narrowed his eyes playfully, and moved closer to Lovino, analyzing him. “He was just alright?”

“Yes Feli, now please leave me alone,” Lovino’s pulse quickened the more Feliciano carried on the matter.

“I don't know, Lovi. Usually when someone’s good you're the first to notice. Well, maybe the second. Roderich always pays attention to everything, but still!” Feliciano chattered away while Lovino tried to think of a solution, any solution to get him out of the mess he was currently in.

“Yes, well, it's hard to notice anything when the guy’s got eyes as bright as actual stars.” Wait, shit. Bad solution.

“Oh, so you like his eyes?” Feliciano smirked. “You can tell me if you have a crush on him, Lovi, it was kind of obvious in class today.”

“What? What the hell are you talking about, I do not have a crush on him!” 

Lies.

“Well, you were looking at him really funny after he played that solo, for about an hour.”

Well, there goes not telling anyone.

Lovino stared down at his bridge, contemplating his answer. “Yeah, well he’s pretty decent, okay?” He bit his lip in embarrassment, fully aware that he just contradicted himself.

“Awww Lovi, I knew it! You’ve finally got a crush on someone!” Feliciano kneeled down to hug his brother, only to get lightly shoved away.

“Yeah, well don't go spreading it around,” Lovino mumbled.

“Don't worry, I won't!” Feliciano winked. “Good luck with that pretty song you're playing!” He hurried out, shutting the door behind him.

Lovino had an entirely new reason for playing The Swan now.

~

He felt so silly, like a girl. Lovino couldn't even talk to Antonio, and it was driving him crazy. Feliciano told him to just say hi, but he couldn't do that! You don't say hello to someone you see every day, it's like an unwritten rule. Besides, what would it accomplish?

Lovino scrunched his nose up as his fingers danced over the strings silently. He wasn't moving his bow, simply testing the notes out with his left hand, but it was cut short when a new sheet of music covered the one he was looking at.

Like he had just come out of a daze, he glanced up at Mrs. Mock, who was tapping at several measures of this new piece. “It's a cello solo, I think you should play it.”

His heart may have just stopped. “Me? What about Elizabeta, or Gilbert, or someone? A freshman, maybe?” Anyone but him could play it, just not Lovino, not for concert festival at least. Playing a solo for a competition was way above his abilities.

“Oh, Elizabeta hasn't told you?” Mrs. Mock asked, pity leaking through her voice.

Lovino answered slowly. “Told me what?”

From beside him, his stand partner regarded him with a sad smile. “I'm going on a school trip during concert festival, and I've already paid for it so there’s no way I can cancel. I didn't know those were the same dates, sorry Lovino.”

Lovino looked from Elizabeta to his teacher again. “So, my stand partner for festival is going to be…?”

“Gilbert,” Elizabeta answered for him, almost in amusement.

Lovino took a moment to process the information. “Alright, so then he can play the solo?”

Mrs. Mock leaned down so only Lovino and Elizabeta could hear. “We really don't want him to do that, do we?”

It wasn't that Gilbert’s playing was bad, per se, rather he simply had way too much confidence that he didn’t really need. From the looks of it, the solo piece was slow and pleasing to the ear. Gilbert would turn it into something thunderous and intense.

“No, I guess not.”

Two minutes was all he had to look over the piece. The mixed sound of noise, chatter and practice, didn't help him any. He couldn't focus, he was only reminded of the inevitable.

“Okay, let's go ahead and sight read this piece,” Mrs. Mock spoke with a glance towards Lovino, silently asking him a simple question.

Will you be okay?

Really, she had too much faith in him.

“One two three four, one two ready go.”

The violins droned their note together as Lovino took several, short breaths.

One note, another, longer note. All attention was on him. He could feel all of gravity at one time, and it took all his strength to push himself up. Keep playing, one more note after the other. Tenor clef. He didn't know tenor clef that well. His brain stopped. His breathing stopped. Everything stopped.

It was really hot in that room.

How disappointed was his teacher? How disappointed was Feliciano?

Antonio.

“You were a little sharp, Lovino, but that was beautiful. Don't worry, you’ll get it!”

Was that his teacher talking? Oh, she felt bad for him; he could hear it in her voice.

Warm tears stung his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He would not cry here.

“Let's just start at measure thirteen instead, everyone. It's in 6/8th time, no sharps, no flats,” Mrs. Mock graciously continued on.

One breath in, and they changed to a new tempo and a new mood. Lovino tried so very hard to forget everything that just happened. He felt sick. The teacher cut them off.

“Okay, cellos, the beat goes like this,” she clapped the beat out, and Lovino grew increasingly tired of himself. Elizabeta placed her hand on his shoulder. “Lovino, you're worrying. You did beautifully, that's a hard solo!”

Lovino glanced at her with relief, but didn’t reply. He knew she was probably just saying that to make him feel better, but it worked, just a little bit. He even held back a smile as he heard Gilbert mumble about how the new song was the shit. Who knew that Gilbert of all people could actually help cheer him up?

Still, as much as he pushed the incident from his mind, his stomach felt like it had been injected with poison.

Lovino silently went over the beat of the next part as the conductor tried to teach the first violins. Roderich had it just fine, of course. Feliciano seemed to be getting it as well, but the rest of the section were actually banging their heads on their stands. Lovino could see that British kid arguing with Francis over whether one of the notes was a sharp or a natural.

He glanced at the second violins. Alfred was looking at his music like there was a giant bug on it, while the Chinese kid beside him simply seemed a little stressed. The violas were completely calm, but who knew what that meant. Ludwig and Kiku suddenly turned their attention to the first violins, where Feliciano was trying to send air messages with a multitude of hand signals.

In the midst of all this, his own section was half asleep. He didn't even dare look at the basses. Surely Antonio had nothing but bad thoughts towards him now. Compared to him, Lovino was terrible.

Despite his own thoughts, he discreetly tried to glance to his right. Was he looking at him? Quickly, Lovino looked down at his cello and covered his face with his sleeve. Eye contact was the worst, especially when it's eyes you could very easily become lost in.

For a moment, he wondered why everyone could be so normal when his world was slowly falling apart. Too much was happening at one time.

Lovino sighed and rested his cheek on his cello, arms wrapped protectively around it.

That's right. They weren't him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I apologize for the mess of an Author’s Note I left you with in the last chapter, but now that we have the most important things out of the way, there won’t be any more craziness like that. Hopefully.  
> Aghh this chapter felt a bit crazy, but I hope it's still alright. I'll get the hang of this soon! But goodness, I'm putting way too much of myself into this story.  
> The songs that were mentioned:  
> Incantations- The first, magic based song, which is a song I played at concert festival myself. ( http://www.Jwpepper.com/sheet-music/media-player.jsp?&type=audio&productID=2478662 )  
> Orion and the Scorpion- The song that has Lovino’s solo in it. Goodness, I have history with this one, but maybe you’ll find out later. ( http://www.Jwpepper.com/sheet-music/media-player.jsp?&type=audio&productID=10307189 )  
> Both are really cool and pretty, especially Orion!  
> ***Not sure why it's adding the note from my last chapter on here as well, I can't seem to fix it.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is an incredibly long note, but it's got some pretty important stuff in it. Here we go!  
> So, there are a few important things to note here in this universe. As interesting as it would be to write a fic where one of the obstacles Antonio and Lovino have to overcome is homophobia and the hurdle of not knowing whether or not either is gay, I have decided not to. It would be too impossible considering the other obstacles I already have planned, and it would be highly unlikely to find an orchestra full of gay people all from different countries. So, in this universe, it is completely normal to find a gay couple, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to sexuality. As for the countries, I will mention this later in the fic but everyone goes to a completely made up International Boarding school set in Charleston, SC (A really beautiful place you should look up). And let’s just say this is a rather nice school, why not.  
> Another important thing to note is that I realize that not everyone will get my orchestra references, and it would be a bit annoying to try to explain all of them in the fanfiction. If you don’t understand any, I have a page on my tumblr that explains some of the culture, called Love Like an Accelerando Orchestra References. (Here is the link: colacrescendo.tumblr.com/geekforyoursoul )  
> The narrator is anxiety, much like Death in The Book Thief. In the beginning, Anxiety seems monstrous because the narration is supposed to take place during Lovino’s concert. It isn’t until the end of the chapter that Lovino realizes, just for a moment, that he can actually get over his anxiety. Aka, the anxiety is only what Lovino thinks it can be. I wasn’t sure how to exactly get that across due to my inexperience.  
> Also, every song I mention I will provide the name of, just in case you want to experience what the characters are experiencing. Lovino’s star song is called Þú ert jörðin and it’s adorable.  
> One more thing, this is my AO3 version of this fic, which is the exact same as my FF.net one, just on a different website. Thank you for dealing with this awfully long Author's Note, lovely readers!


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